I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
