you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
