my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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