its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
