i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
