I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
