i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
