Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
