Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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