he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
