ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize