my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
