I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
