One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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