a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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