dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
