I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
