I wish I could teleport
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
