can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
