What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
