I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
