i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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