He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
