when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
