i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
