you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
