remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize