Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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