Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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