Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
