she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize