You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize