Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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