I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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