woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
