I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
