You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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