I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
