why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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