I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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