It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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