Will you blow on my dice?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
