you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
