so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
