I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
