i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
