According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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