I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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