i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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