First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
