...so i touched it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
