therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
