member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
