I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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