I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
