i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
