Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
