the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
