Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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