There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
