btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
