so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
