Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize