Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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