Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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