i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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