our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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