I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
