Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
