hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
