The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
