literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I touched a dick in church today
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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