best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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