It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They have beer where we have blood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
