Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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