Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
