yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
