Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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