I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
