So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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