I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my sisters under your porch take her home
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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