He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
