jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize